So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
