Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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