worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
