I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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