I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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