ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
so let's talk penis.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
