I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
