My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
