Define "chronic" masturbator.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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