He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
