Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
