i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
the condom got lost in my hair
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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