okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
