I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
