just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
