dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
