now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
