this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
