Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Houston, we have a squirter
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
