Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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