would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
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we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
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BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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