so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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