The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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