No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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