As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
