My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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