shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
