i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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