I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Randomize
