dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
