Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
