so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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