Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
