You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
