okay pat passed out under dana's car
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
