I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Just pee around me
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
