I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
