I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize