If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
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Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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