apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
