So drunk, too bad you don't want this
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize