I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
