I accidentally burped into my bong.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
True college students do jello shots in the library
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