I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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