I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
