I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
