Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
God, I missed his penis.
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