she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
