That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
