I'm really into asian looking animals
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I think i got beer on your cat.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
