You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
