so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
