I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
