So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
