I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
