3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
