you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
It's shark week go big or go home
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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