I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
