I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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