i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
