How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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