You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
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My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
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Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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