nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
youre lurking in front of me
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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